merry & bright

tis the season to be..

jolly?

stressed?

celebratory?

greedy?

grateful?

nostalgic?

traditional?

i could keep adding to the list as the words that comes to mind when I think about the general populations responses to "the most wonderful time of the year"

this Christmas season, more than any other before, my heart has been discouraged and broken over seeing how we have truly completely skewed what December 25th and the month leading up to it is truly about.

We have turned it into a time to spend, throw parties, stress out and focus our attention upon monetary things. Not that these things are inherently wrong, because they aren't. But when turned into the sole reason for celebrating Christmas, there lies the problem.

I only wonder how much it grieves the Father's heart to see how the birth of his Son is truly, not really at all about him.

As I write about this to process the thoughts in my mind, I am so guilty of this.

I'm in need of sanctification in this area in my life.

I want to focus on the magnitude of Christ coming and how it vastly has changed my life because of his birth.

without the birth, there could be no death.

without the death, there could be no life.

without life, there could be no hope.

When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

praise Him for hope.

the most wonderful time

I look forward to this...

every

year.

sunday morning melodies

this line from morning worship keeps resounding in my heart and mind today:

"let this place, echo your worth"

.............

"whom have I in heaven but you? and besides you, my heart desires nothing else. My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is my strength and my portion, forever." psalms.

"let this place, echo your worth"

.............

"such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty to attain" psalms.

"let this place, echo your worth"

............

"for he commands even the wind and the waters, they obey him" luke.

"so let this place, echo your worth"

...........

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans.

"let this place, echo your worth"

.........

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen." Jude.

"let this place, echo your worth"

............

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans.

"let this place, echo your worth"

"let this place, echo your worth"

"let this place, echo your worth"

"let this place, echo your worth"

"let this place, echo your worth"

......

picture circa 2007: Ronda, Spain.

hey there, big world.

"It's a big girl world now

Full of big girl things

And everyday I wish I was small

I've been counting on nothing

But he keeps giving me his word

And I am tired of hearing myself speak

Do you ever get weary?

Do you ever get weak?

How do you dream

When you can't fall asleep?"

"scratch" Kendall Payne

like I mentioned in my last post, things have been pretty busy and coupling that with a lack of technology access...the blog has consequently, suffered.

As I sit here in the lounge area of my apartment complex, I'm trying to decipher the most effective way to organize these thoughts that are swimming around like in a fish bowl that is my brain.

I have jokingly mentioned to a lot of my friends and family that I feel like I have grown up about 20 years in the past 40 days. Here's why:

I started my first adult, 8 to 5, job.

I found out that I had identity theft.

I got the flu.

I have a 401K...and my own insurance.

I interview people twice my age and pretend like I know what I'm doing when I talk to them about the mortgage industry...even though I've never even had a mortgage of my own.

I go to sleep around 10 and rise before the sun even considers coming up.

just to name a few.

My life transformed in a matter of days, and there is no way you can be prepared for these things. Don't get me wrong, Texas A&M was an incredible way to spend 4 years of my life, but they should seriously consider implementing a class called "Welcome to the Real World, life after college"

I want to grab so many of the faces of my friends still in school with both of my hands and lovingly look them in the eye and say..

"this. is. not. reality."

don't get me wrong, the working world is not all bad, there are a lot of really cool things that come with it... but for the love, I just laugh out loud when I think about how distorted my mindset was about life after college was when I was in school.

I really hope I'm not completely coming off cynical and jaded, because I'm not...it's just the realist side of my personality that is shining through at the moment. And maybe its because I've yet to really establish any sort of social life yet since I'm still just trying to get settled in my new environment and routine.

I do sincerely enjoy my job. Its incredibly rewarding to be able to work towards helping people find jobs and in the process of it all, finding out about the person, hearing their stories, etc.

but honestly, the "working world" has left my questioning so many things...in a good way.

Every morning, I jump on the Tollway to make my commute to work. Luckily, I am going the opposite direction of the rush hour traffic. But as the massive amount of cars speed past me, their headlines seemingly resembling the life source of the person occupying the vehicle...I constantly ask myself:

"what are we all doing?"

"why are we doing this?"

"what's the purpose of all of this anyways?"

I want to roll my window down and ask the person next to me:

"what the heck are we doing? shouldn't we just go home to our families?"

I know this might sound silly, and honestly, I'm not sure if I even understand what it is that I am trying to explain right now...but I can't help but find myself saying:

"there's got to be a greater purpose than hitting the grind like this everyday"

"there's surely something more that this"

Its like we are slaves to this thing called "corporate America" and we have to comply in order to exist.

maybe I'm crazy for thinking this way.

or maybe I'm just in the initial stage of shock realizing that working is just what people do.

but realizing that we will spend the majority of our lives "working" kind of hits you like a ton of bricks.

some people use it to define them.

some people devote their entire lives to trying to excel at their job.

I pray I never get to that point.

I'll hopefully keep updating on my learning about what the heck I'm supposed to do with this so called "job".

I will say, this scripture in Galatians has never been more real to me like it has now:

"am I now trying to win the approval of God or of men? Or am I trying to win the approval of men? If I were trying to please men, I would not be a servant of God." Gal 1:10.

until next time...

sorry :(

dear blog,

i must apologize for neglecting you like I have the past couple of weeks. You see, there is this new thing that seems to take up a lot of my time...leaving me little opportunity write you as often as I normally do. This thing, called "job" coupled with the fact that I don't have internet at my apartment has put a brief stint in my writing. But alas, do not worry, i will be back.

i have lots of things to say.

LOTS.

love, me.

Little known fact friday

I got a job :)

photo credit: veer

september/october...2 months of good music

U2: Dallas, Texas

Derek Webb & Sandra McCracken: Greenville, NC

Bethany Dillon: Dallas, Texas

Ten out of Tenn: Ashville,NC & Washington, DC

(they were so good I saw them twice)

next on the list:

A Swell Season

Tenn out of Tenn-Christmas Tour (they are coming to TEXAS!)

soul stirrings.

every once in a while, we get to experience moments in life when the reality of what's happening really just hits you. I don't know how to accurately describe this type of feeling that comes over you during these certain instances, but they seem to happen most frequently at monumental type of events.

Weddings of two people deeply in love, funerals of a life well lived, seeing your childhood friend's belly continually growing with their first child, staring at the ocean with a dear friend, taking in the mountains on a ski lift alone, witnessing the raw talent of a young musician playing ferociously because they merely love music, etc. Its like the deepest part of your soul jumps within you and time stands still. Something so normal and seemingly typical really comes to life and stirs the deepest parts of you unlike it would in a common occurrence. It makes me feel like God is whispering..."I'm here. This is all me"

its overwhelming.

i had one of those moments today.

My brother, Brent, works at the high school cafeteria. He loves his job because it provides two things that he loves in life: food and girls :).

I mean, what guy wouldn't love working around 15 some-odd lunch ladies all day while getting free food? see what I mean?

Brent is someone that I cherish deeply. Brent lives life with vigor, truly appreciating the small things that it has to offer. His genuine love for people coupled with his gentle demeanor makes him one of the easiest people to be around. Brent is also down syndrome.

Since graduating from high school, He has started working at the cafeteria. His main responsibilities are to take care of the trash and milk crates. His job is simple, but he loves it. Today, I came a little earlier than normal to pick him up. Its been pretty rainy all day and as I drove up, I was surprised to find Brent outside finishing up the remainder of his tasks. He was diligently tossing boxes and trash bags into the bin outside as fast as his little arms could move. Spotting me drive up only made him move faster. As I put my car into park to wait as he finished, I found myself feeling that deep stirring within me that I tried to describe above as tears began to roll down my cheeks.

Here, i watched my brother that so many would describe as incompetent and "slow," quickly and competently work in the rain with all of his might at a job people would consider, "below them." He filled up the bin and raced down to the dumpster and rigorously tossed each box into the tall dump.

Pride in who Brent is overwhelmed me at that moment and the Lord stirred my affections for Christ and how he transcends boundaries beyond anything we can imagine. This was even more penetrating to me because of the job search that I have been on the past several months. We are mandated to work, and whatever we do, we are to do it to the best of our ability and excellently.

Brent could not have exemplified this more than in this moment I was observing.

He climbed into the car, completely wet and dirty and he smelt pretty bad to be honest. But i didn't care. I told him how proud I was of him and how great he does at his job. He looked at me and said thanks and "i had to hurry because I knew the ladies needed to get home."

so considerate, thinking of others above himself.

sometimes, I think the Lord gave Brent to our family to be such a reminder of what pure love looks like and a reminder of what is truly important in life.

I hope this seemingly "mundane life occurrence" stirs your soul deeply within you like it did me today. That you would be challenged to excellence in whatever it is that you do and to do it with all of your might.

i love this picture of Brent, dancing at my cousin's wedding. 2008.

dallas in the fall

..::AUTUMN::..

me and my "kitty cat with a bow" pumpkin

the cats and ruth & katy's vomiting pumpkin.

{photo credit: jenny davis}